A couple of weeks ago I published a post called “My Top 3 Most Traumatic Toilet Training Moments,” which described exactly what the name implies. It was a brief anthology of the most traumatising toileting misadventures that I have experienced with my children while they are reaching for the big toilet training milestone. Then last week, I published a post called “Going the Distance: Part 1,” in which I described my family’s current living arrangements and touched briefly on some of the measures we are taking to invest our relationships to overcome the tyranny of distance. At the end of that post, however, I added a footnote stating that a situation had arisen that deserved to be included as an addendum to the toilet training post. What follows here is that addendum.The situation in question specifically relate to our outing to “Corowa Whiskey and Chocolate,” for lunch on the Saturday. The kids had been looking forward to going to the “chocolate place” all week and it was a source of great secrecy as I wasn’t meant to know about it (even though I had to drive us there).
The excitement about Corowa Whiskey and Chocolate, I should add, centred solely around the chocolate part as my children neither know nor understand what whiskey is. The site itself is set in a beautifully repurposed and renovated old flour mill in the town of Corowa (about 50km West of Wodonga) and contains chocolate gift shop, a café and also a little bit where the kids can make their own chocolate treats (pictured below).
Next, was lunch time and this is where our tale takes a turn for the worse. After excitedly making our own giant chocolate freckles (chocolate disk covered in sprinkles) we bought some treats from the gift shop and then hit the café for lunch. This included lunch for Baby J who hadn’t been fed for a few hours.
So there we were happily eating our lunch (which in my case was salt and pepper calamari and chips) when it was my turn to take Baby J so that she could eat her lunch. I happily took him for cuddles since I’d been away all week and proceeded to nurse him in one hand and pick at my chips with the other (who said men can’t multi-task). This is when disaster struck. The little man, the antagonist of this story, let out a massive rumbling bum belch before going to sleep. As he had been crying from gas, I didn’t think anything of it. 10 minutes later it was time to swap back with my wife. I shifted Baby J in my arms and felt a wet patch, before looking down to observe the situation with horror. He had had a catastrophic nappy blow out (see below).
This was the worst, none of us were finished lunch yet, the café was packed and I was covered in bright yellow baby poo. What was worse was that it had started to seep through my shorts and was gross and warm and it also smelt acidic. Reluctantly I waited out the rest of the meal and then we had to drive home. Feeling gross I wanted to take the shorts off and simply drive home in my underpants however my ever respectable wife didn’t allow it, so I had to sit in it all the way home.*
While this doesn’t qualify for the Traumatic Toilet Training Moments list by virtue of being thanks to a new born who was not undergoing toilet training, it was still traumatic and toilet related and therefore deserves a mention as an addendum to the original story. In the end, I couldn’t be mad at him. Not even a little. He was just too cute.
Have you ever had any disastrous public toilet training incidents or been covered publicly covered in infant poo? If so, leave a comment with your story below, I’d love to hear it. Also if you enjoyed this piece you can find me over on twitter here or on Instagram here. Lastly if you found this post enjoyable or informative and would like to subscribe to get updates when new content is posted, you can do so using the follow button.
* Upon review by my executive editor (i.e my wife) I’ve been asked to point out that I didn’t have to sit in the muck as it appears in the photo all the way, we did in fact have baby wipes with which I was able to clean most of it up. But it was still smelly and gross because I knew the truth.