Last week the world shivered its way through the icy blasts and blizzardy squalls that were brought on by “#beastfromtheeast” and “#stormEmma.” Truth be told, I’m not sure if this represents two names for the same weather system or if they are different systems, I didn’t pay that much attention to the news. We were too busy dealing with a cyclonic storm of our own. This is the story of how my wife (I was only home for part of it) survived a week at the mercy of Cyclone Missy Moo and the seven trials of woe and worry that she wrought upon our household.
Now it is a known fact that the word pootastrophe is a noun used by parents to describe a situation in which a poo incident of catastrophic proportions has occurred. This was the first trial of tribulation and terror that Cyclone Missy Moo threw our way.
You see, Missy Moo is in the middle of the toilet training and with that comes the occasional mishap (check out My Top 3 Most Traumatic Toilet Training Moments for some illustrative case studies). In this case Cyclone Missy Moo was to subject my wife to two separate pootatstrophes separated by only 24 hours. The first was in her older brother’s room and the second was in her room.
We think (but we can only speculate because no one quite understands the dynamics of it) that she had an accident and then wanted to help and tried to clean herself. This didn’t help, not in the slightest. Let’s just say that once she was finished it was on toys, her mirror, the carpet and all over her. To express it in song form would be “there’s a poo poo here, a poo poo there, a little bit of poo poo everywhere.”
#2. When Does “No,” Mean To Do a Van Gough?
The next trial to appear in this list (remember it is presented in the order in which I remembered them not necessarily the order in which they occurred), was when she decided that the pristine walls of our brand new house were too drab and plain. “Clearly they would be better if I decorated,” she tried to explain.
Only that she didn’t try to explain at all….because she’s two. Ever since we moved into the house crayons and pens have been secured on the highest shelf of the highest cupboard. A necessary precaution given that she coloured part of every wall in the hallway, her bedroom, her brothers bedroom and part of the lounge room in our old house (plus furniture).
Despite our best efforts she still has been finding crayon in the new house. She showed us one and we took it off her, told her no and gave her some other toys to play with. Not content with this Cyclone Missy Moo heard the word “no,” and understood it to mean, “please, please pretty please can you give us your best Van Gough Starry Night as a wall mural.” And that’s exactly what she did. 20 min later she came into our bedroom proud as punch holding up a new (blue) crayon announcing “Mummy, I painted wall.”
And so ended the second trial.
#3. The Daring Raid.
Now that it is March we are beginning to close in on Easter. Given that it is less than a month until Easter it is no longer weird to stock up on Easter eggs. Also you can have greater confidence that aren’t buying last year’s stock that the supermarket sells to the weirdos who buy easter stuff at Christmas. So Wifey thought it’d be fun to treat us to some Easter eggs to start building the spirit…………Wifey used chocolate………………It was super effective. Enough said.
But wait!!! There’s more. After having her share of one or two of the mini eggs (about the size of your thumbnail) Cyclone Missy Moo developed a taste for “chock-at.” And out of this burning desire for more “chock-at” a daring diabolical scheme was hatched (egg pun not intended).
With great skill and cunning Cyclone Missy Moo waited until everyone else was distracted, busy or asleep and then she made her move. Quite as a ninja she went and retrieved the wash basket and brought it to the kitchen. She then opened the fridge, turned the basket upside down and climbed on top of it. Now she was tall enough to be able to get into the ridge drawer where Wifey was hiding the eggs (at least we thought they were hidden but clearly Missy Moo had been keeping a beady eye on that too). She was now free to eat her fill of the “chock-at,” eggs and so she did.
#4. The Spider Cyclone
As if it wasn’t bad enough that Cyclone Missy Moo had already subjected us to three separate trials, one of which had two phases (the pootastrophe) but mid-way through the week she levelled up and is now capable of more daring mischief on an ongoing basis. What did she gain in the level up? The ability to be the Spider Cyclone.
Now Missy Moo has always been a climber and she particularly loves climbing on window sills. This previously wasn’t an issue as the sills were really low to the ground in our previous house. The problem is that they are quite high in the new house but this still wasn’t a problem because she couldn’t reach them. Risk mitigated.
Nope. Not content to be confined to the ground and yearning to climb the walls (almost literally) Cyclone Missy Moo decided to put her new found fridge raiding skills to use in a novel way and has started using kitchen chairs and the couch to climb up onto the window sill. She then stands up on the sill and starts dancing/jumping on the spot terrifying her parents with nightmares of head injuries.
The first we knew of this new talent was when we walked into the lounge room to find her standing on the window sill (nude because she’d just had a shower and was meant to be waiting to get dressed) and was dancing/jumping up and down cackling her little head off with pride at the mischief she’d wrought.
#5. Lost and Found
For over a week my wife was unable to find her prescription sunglasses. Turns out that Cyclone Missy Moo was playing the long game and had stolen them, then hidden them. After tearing the house apart trying to find them my wife eventually found them in the vase that is on the bookshelf next to the TV.
Hidden in plain sight in a such a way that it felt like she was now taunting us.
And so ended the fifth trial of Cyclone Missy Moo.
#6. Its A Kinetic Operation
Over the Christmas break while we were living at Wifey’s parents’ place waiting for our furniture to be delivered to Canberra (check out IT’S A BOY!!! A Labour Day Story for the full story) they received a pack of kinetic sand from “Aunty Ow” (as Missy Moo refers to Wifey’s younger sister).
For those that don’t know kinetic sand is that colourful sand that you buy kids and you can mould it into awesome sculptures that retain their shapes thanks to the power of static electricity or some other physics wizardry.
Well our sixth trial of Cyclone Missy Moo occurred one day because she got curious and/or bored while Wifey was busy feeding Baby J. As all parents know it is never good when a toddler goes quiet and that is what happened here.
Unfortunately by the time Wifey was able to respond Cyclone Missy Moo had liberated the kinetic sand from its packet and scattered it far and wide throughout the kitchen and dining rooms. We now had bright blue flecks of sand in the flooring and under the table and even a little bit in the edge of the carpet for the lounge room. It was gleeful and Missy Moo had a great time flicking it around for greatest coverage.
Thankfully or perhaps ominously she was reasonably happy to help clean this mess up. It makes me worried that the whole process, including clean up, was thoroughly fun and therefore well worth repeating again soon.
#7. Walking On Egg Shells.
The seventh and final trial is another mucky one. Flushed with success following the triumph of the daring fridge raid Cyclone Missy Moo decided a few days later (after the Mum’s annoyance had subsided of course) that it was time for a second sortie.
Once again she waited until everyone was distracted and then made her move. Only this time the eggs weren’t there. Where were they? She didn’t know, so she commenced a thorough search of the fridge determine to seek out those delicious treats. Along the way her search pattern involved taking the real eggs out of the fridge. We’re not sure what happened but somewhere the carton was dropped and the eggs smashed. It was a full carton too so a dozen eggs smashed on the kitchen floor. This would never do, she had to hide the evidence. In a panic she tried to spread it out by spreading the smashed egg from one end of the kitchen to the other. Much better “Mum will never know” she though. It was at this point that we think she spotted a rouge egg or two that didn’t break on impact. Apparently reasoning that it would be less suspicious for the whole carton to be destroyed than to leave two survivors it appears as though she flipped the wash basket back over the right way before smashing the two remaining eggs in it (to contain the explosion so that Mum wouldn’t have to clean up of course).
And so ended the seventh trial of Cyclone Missy Moo, in abject failure. Unfortunately I doubt this will be the last trial she subjects us too though.
Have you ever had to endure cyclonic toddler conditions? If so, leave a comment with your story below, I’d love to hear it. Also if you enjoyed this piece you can find me over on twitter here or on Instagram here. Lastly if you found this post enjoyable or informative and would like to subscribe to get updates when new content is posted, you can do so using the follow button.